Detailed Contents
Introduction
Middle-School Age Children
Today’s Families
What Teens Want
Learning to Be Authoritative Parents
1. Challenging Children, Challenged Parents
The Middle-School Years
Changing Times, Challenging Children
The Signs of Conflict
Judgment, the Stepping Stone into Conflict
Wanted: A Listener
Teen Choices, Parent Discomfort
Life-Given Circumstances
Eighteen Years of Dependency?
2. Begin by Changing Yourself
Who Owns the Problem?
Give Children Power Over Themselves
Learn to Listen
Use New Knowledge
Does Help Really Help?
Accepting Differences Fosters Self-Esteem
3. Divide and Communicate
Each Parent Is Unique
Conflicting Views
One-Parent Ownership of a Problem
Dividing the Problem Areas
Support Your Partner
Coping with Anger and Fear
Two’s a Team, Three’s a Crowd
4. Natural Consequences
Higher Risk Consequences
Negative Words and Our Child’s Self-Image
The Fallacy of Parental Power
What Are Natural Consequences?
How to Use Natural Consequences
Natural Consequences are Food for Growth
5. Parent-Owned Problems
Identifying Parent-Owned Problems
Shifting Your Position
Communicate Your Position
Work for Resolution
The Democratic (Shared Responsibility) Way
Logical Consequences
Parental Withdrawal from a Situation
More Difficult Problems
Taking Care of Us
Give-and-Take in Life
6. Changing Our Attitudes
Can’t You Do Anything Right?
Developing the Spirit of Appreciation
The Elements of Change
Changing Approach Isn’t Easy
Compromise Between Parent and Child
Handling Peer Problems Positively
Changing Your Feelings Will Change Your Attitude
Change Your Behavior
The Absence of Criticism
7. Love in Action
Unfulfilled Expectations
The Feelings Called Love
Examining Plans and Expectations
Planning Implementation
The Planning Session Pay-Off
Responsibility Shared/Satisfaction Guaranteed
On-the-Job Satisfaction
Planning the Use of Family Money
Money the Child Earns
The Importance of Planning Increases as Children Grow
8. School Problems
Recognizing Parental Overreaction
Calm Response Improves Communication
When to Get Professional Help
The Lasting Impact of Negative Messages
How to Communicate Calmly
Preparing for School Conferences
Effective Participation in School Conferences
Homework in Middle School
Homework and Parental Assistance
Effective Use of School Notices
Concentrate on Positive Behaviors
Hook into Your Child Strengths
9. Resistance and Acceptance
Identifying Problem Behavior
Reprogramming Our Brains
The Complaining Habit
Total Resistance
Total Acceptance
New Insights, New Words
Listening Brings Understanding
10. Understanding Teen Sexuality
Present-Day Sexual Behavior
Talking Doesn’t Come Naturally
Communicate!
Topics for Sexual Discussions
Sexual Attack from an Unknown Person
Sexual Abuse from a Known Person
Homosexuality
The Value of Family Interaction
11. Parental Persistence
Moving Beyond the Past
The Complex Nature of Parenthood
Truth and Trust, But at What Cost?
Resistance to Rules
How Long Should We Struggle?
Understanding and Dealing with Hidden Fear
Don’t Ever Give Up on Your Child!
Recognizing and Managing Discouragement
Experiencing Encouragement
Defining Strengths
Finding Your Child’s Strengths
Working on the Relationship
Retrospective
Recommended Readings
Index
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