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 Parenting Press®


by Jean Illsley Clarke, M.A.

illustrated by Cary Pillo

Table of Contents

Introduction: When Time-Out Isn’t Working

1: What is Time-In?

2. Why is Time-In Like a Puzzle with Four Pieces?

3. How Does Time-In Differ from Time-Out and Other Common Methods of Discipline?

Time-Out as Connection
Time-Out Doesn’t Always Work
Time-Out as Punishment
How Time-In Is Different

4. Why Ask?
What to Ask
How and When to Offer Discipline by Asking
-When the child has misbehaved, choose the question to teach the needed lesson
-Ask in a clear, firm but not critical tone
-Ask to help the child start choosing from options
-Ask to encourace thinking and responsibility
-Get the child’s attention before you ask
-Ask to remind children of a rule that is not negotiable
-Make sure that the child hears and responds to the question
-Ask children to help figure out negotiable rules
-Ask to help a child through shame
-Ask to remind about natural consequences
-Ask to reinforce positive behavior

5. How Do You Act?
When to Act and What to Act Upon
How and When to Offer Discipline by Acting
-Act to prevent an accident or problem
-Act to reinforce a rule or expected behavior
-Act to get a child’s attention when other methods of discipline have not been effective
-Act to redirect an activity or to interrupt misbehavior
-Act to let consequences teach
-Act to help a child deal with feelings
-Act to teach delayed gratification
-Act to interrupt sibling squabbling
-Act to stop tattling
-Act to reinforce and clarify positive behavior

6. What Does Attend Mean?
What to Attend to
How and When to Use the Attending Puzzle Piece
-Attend to a broken object or a hurt child
-Attend to rules that are consistenly broken
-Attend to a child’s needs and developmental level
-Attend to child who are overly demanding
-Attend to children’s temperament
-Attend to children’s social skills
-Attend to the attitude behind disruptive behavior
-Attend to children’s problem-solving skills
-Attend to what is going on in the family
-Attend to what is going on with the child that you do not know about
-Attend to your own anger, frustration, and needs
-Attend to positive behavior

7. When Is It Important to Make Amends?
What to Make Amends for
How and When to Make Amends
-Example: Damaged Property
-Example: Broken Promise

8. Is There a Best Way to Put the Puzzle Pieces Together?

9. What if Time-In Doesn’t Work?

Problems in the Child’s Life
Stresses in the Family
Parents Need Support or Relief

10. What if My Anger Gets in the Way?
What Anger Can Teach Us

Conclusion: What Else Can a Parent Do?


Link to book description

Useful for birth to early teens
80 pages
$12.95 paperback
$21.95 library

1999 Parents’ Choice
Approval Award

Book Description
About the Author

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Last updated June 11, 2014