Tip--Avoid tantrums in young children by offering two yeses for every no.

I try to limit saying "no" to my two-year-old son to the really important issues, but it seems like everything is important. For example, just this morning I had to tell him: No dancing on the edge of the bathtub; No pulling the kitty's tail; No touching the stove; No screaming while I'm on the phone; and No ripping up the magazines. There's no time left to be positive!

Tool--In her book Magic Tools for Raising Kids, Elizabeth Crary recommends following up the "No" with two yeses. In other words, tell children how to succeed rather than how to fail.

Offer the child two ways to do what she wants that are acceptable to you. You can do this by changing the location, activity, tool, or time. The parent above could have offered her son the following yeses to each no:

• "No dancing on the edge of the bathtub. You can dance in the living room or on the trampoline." (Change location)

• "No pulling the kitty's tail. You can pet the kitty or pull a string in front of him." (Change activity)

  

• "No touching the stove. You can touch the refrigerator or the dishwasher." (Change tool)

• "No screaming while I'm on the phone. You can scream when I've hung up the phone or when you're outside." (Change time)

• "No ripping up the magazines. You can rip the scrap paper or the junk mail." (Change tool)

Most children respond well to such choices. Occasionally, due to safety, time, money, or available energy, there are no acceptable alternatives. If that is the case, simply state the rule. If the child does not comply, give a consequence and follow through. (See the Tip & Tool for May 24, 1997 for more on developing effective consequences.)

You’ll find more practical tips you can use right now in Magic Tools for Raising Kids by Elizabeth Crary.

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