Tip--Noticing what your child does well, and praising him for it, will help increase good behavior.

I try to praise my kids, but somehow the one acting up gets my attention before the one playing quietly. And when I do remember to compliment the good behavior, I'm not sure what to say.

Keep in mind--Like the parent above, we're so accustomed to "putting out fires" that it's hard to notice what's going right. Elizabeth Crary, author of Magic Tools for Raising Kids, comments, "You can't decide not to give children attention. You can only decide what kind of attention to give." Praising children for behaving well goes a long way toward perpetuating more good behavior. Children thrive on positive attention from mom and dad, but if they don't get it, they'll settle for negative attention.

Tool--Make a habit of praising each child for something every day. There are three components to effective praise.

• Be specific. "Good job sharing your dinosaurs," is much better than, "Good boy!" Children need to know exactly what they're doing right. You can praise effort as well as success by saying, "I like the way you tried to . . ."

• Be sincere. Don't exaggerate praise. A child will probably not believe the statement, "That's the best drawing I've ever seen," but will respond positively to, "I sure like the way you drew this part of the picture up here. How did you do that?" or, "I can see that you worked really hard on this."

• Be immediate. You must praise children while they still remember what they did. Young children need information right away. For example, "Thank you for closing the door gently. I like the way you remembered to do that."

Five examples of effective praise you can adapt are below.

Nice work--making your bed.
Well done!--you put away all the toys.
I noticed--you helped your sister get a drink. That was kind.
I'm glad--you remembered to use words when you're mad.
Good try!--most of the cereal is in the bowl.

You’ll find more practical tips you can use right now in Magic Tools for Raising Kids by Elizabeth Crary.

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