Tip—Instead of letting anger fester, act to resolve the problem, or decide to let it go.

Your child comes off the school bus, in the door, and in under three minutes she has strewn her books on the floor, yelled at the dog and picked a fight with her big brother. Sounds like she’s upset about something, doesn’t it? A few days ago, my own fourth grade son met me after Sunday School class in the church hallway, bellowing at the top of his lungs, “Get me something to eat! My blood sugar levels are in my TOENAILS!” (Yes, that’s a direct quote.) Since he doesn’t usually bellow at me like this, I surmised there was a little more of a problem than an urgent need for lunch. Turned out a few kids in his class had been teasing him and he was fairly angry over it. A quick Tootsie Roll and a talk on the drive home helped.

Parent educator Elizabeth Crary, author of Pick Up Your Socks . . . and Other Skills Growing Children Need!, offers her thoughts on children and anger. “Anger in itself is neither good nor bad. Sometimes, however, people get so involved with being angry that they either become more angry, or forget to move on and resolve it.

Tools—Crary says that all of us have two choices when we are angry. We can make a decision and do something about the problem, or we can decide to let the anger go.

• Make a decision. Unresolved anger continues to eat at a person. This can cause a person to become ill, short-tempered, or grumpy with others. There are thousands of reasons we get angry. Zero in on the particular problem with your child and brainstorm ways to address it. For example, one boy was very bothered by a bossy girl sitting at his table in class. She would monitor his work and tell him what to do, despite his requests for her to mind her own business. Finally, he decided to ask the teacher to change his seat in class.

• Let it go. Another way to deal with anger or frustration is simply to let go of it. “Letting go” means letting the anger disappear or slowly drift away. It means not thinking or obsessing about the situation any more. Simple as the idea is, some children have trouble letting go of anger. Crary recommends offering children three different ways to do this, based on common learning styles.

  • Visual—Imagine in your mind the angry feelings draining out of you, or picture yourself in a beautiful, peaceful place and feel the calmness growing within you.

  • Auditory—Record the angry feelings on tape and then discard it; or listen to soothing, peaceful music.

  • Kinesthetic—Blow the angry feelings out. Another idea might be to write down the angry feelings on a small piece of paper and then let it float away down a stream.

You’ll find more practical tips you can use right now in Pick Up Your Socks . . . and Other Skills Growing Children Need! by Elizabeth Crary, M.S.

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