Tip—Keeping focused on your long-term goal of instilling healthy sleep habits will help alleviate guilt.

Parents who are dealing with a young child’s sleep problem often feel guilty. It doesn’t matter which method they are trying to use to solve the problem, the child’s distress often triggers a parent’s guilt.

Every time my two-year-old shows up at our bedside at 3am, I am so tired I just let him crawl in with us. Then I feel guilty when he wiggles around and wakes my husband up. I feel guilty that I let my son get into bed with us in the first place. I feel guilty when we’re all tired the next day. I feel guilty that I’m not teaching my child good sleep habits. I’m mired in guilt!

We’re using a Cry-It-Out plan to get our toddler to go to sleep in her crib at night. As soon as I kiss her goodnight and put her down, she jumps up and starts crying. She cries and cries and I feel terrible—like I’m abandoning her. I feel so guilty for putting her through this.

We’ve tried to solve my son’s sleep problem, but every time we settle on a plan, I can’t seem to follow through on it. I’m so exhausted in the middle of the night I don’t think clearly. Then I feel guilty in the morning for sabotaging the plan.

Any of these scenarios sound familiar? Parent educator, Rebecca Huntley, author of The Sleep Book for Tired Parents, says, “Guilt is a powerful emotion and the most common one expressed by parents working on sleep habits. Kind, thoughtful people are usually the most plagued by guilt because they don’t like to upset others—and children who don’t want to sleep are upset.”

Tools—There are some things you can do to keep your perspective and prevent being overwhelmed by guilt. Huntley offers the following advice.

• Trust your maturity. Think of other times when you do what is best for your child without feeling guilty. For example, you don’t let him watch a scary movie, even though he pleads and screams. Remind yourself that feeling guilty is appropriate only when you are doing something wrong; teaching your child better sleep habits, although not pleasant, is not wrong.

• Remember your long-term goal: healthy sleep habits. Many parent educators and pediatricians feel it is as important for parents to teach good sleep habits as it is to teach good nutrition and hygiene habits.

  

• Care for yourself. The old saying that you can’t take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself is true. Find a way to get some sleep. Hire a sitter during the day, if necessary. Make sure you’re eating right. Get some exercise and fresh air every day. Let other people help you—from your mother-in-law to the courtesy clerk at the store. When you’re feeling physically better, you will think more clearly and be less prone to guilt. Nurturing yourself will help you succeed in instilling better sleep habits in your child.

You’ll find more practical tips you can use right now in The Sleep Book for Tired Parents by Rebecca Huntley.

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