Tip—When your child whines or argues in the face of a “No” answer, you can say in a matter-of-fact tone, “I bet you think I’ll change my mind if you whine/argue/cry like that. Well, I won’t.”

Some children refuse to take “no” for an answer and instead, cry, beg, argue, or simply ignore their parents. Laurie Simons, counselor and author of Taking “No” for an Answer and Other Skills Children Need, points out that it is necessary to teach our children to accept a “No” answer. “Children can learn that hitting, crying, whining, arguing, begging, pleading, or bartering will not turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes,’” she writes. “They can learn to listen to a ‘no’ and learn how to cope with feeling frustrated, angry, or disappointed. Parents also can learn to say ‘No’ even when they know their child will react negatively.”

Simons goes on to say that some children believe that if they request something politely, their courtesy guarantees them a “yes” answer. She advises thanking a child for the polite request and then saying “No” as appropriate. This way, children will be rewarded for being polite, but not indulged. She also recommends helping your child to distinguish between requests and directions. You can do this in advance by telling your child, “I have a request. . .” or “This is not a request, this is a direction. I need you to follow directions exactly.” A request may receive a Yes or No answer from your child. A direction must simply be followed.

Tool—You can play the Hopovers Game to help family members practice feeling what it is like to be told “yes” and “no.”

You’ll find more practical tips you can use right now in Taking “No” for an Answer and Other Skills Children Need by Laurie Simons, M.A.

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