Parenting Press E-zine

News for Parents — July

Dear Friends of Parenting Press,

Welcome to the July issue of our electronic newsletter for parents. Our goal is to provide you with interesting and useful information in a format that’s quick and easy to read—and FREE. We welcome your comments, both about the newsletter content and its format. To get the newsletter delivered, you can sign up for an e-mail subscription.

July 2007

IN THIS ISSUE

WHAT’S NEW?
FEATURES
POTPOURRI

I. WHAT’S NEW?

Hosteling for Families

Did you backpack Europe years ago with a Eurailpass and a guide to hostels? Now that most hostels welcome kids, you can do the same with your family—and much closer to home. As the Hostelling International USA web site explains, there are now more than 100 hostels in the U.S. They provide both budget accommodations and a novel travel experience.

Whether you have another month of vacation or only a few days, here’s some of the sights you can see with a hostel as home base. If you take the train to Seattle, you’ll be only a bus ride away from a ferry that gets you to the Vashon Hostel, where you can snuggle down in an authentic Sioux teepee or an antique covered wagon. Travel a few hundred miles south to Oregon, where a hostel in Seaside is a short walk from the beach. The National Wild and Scenic Tillamook Head trail lets you wander along cliffs and secluded coves from Seaside to artsy Cannon Beach. In California, you’ll find almost two dozen hostels; you could start in the redwoods and travel your way through the state, finishing off in San Diego with a day trip to Mexico.

Or hopscotch through the Lake states, starting in Minnesota’s Itasca State Park, where the Mississippi Headwaters Hostel is a restored log building constructed in 1923 as the park headquarters. Bike, hike and swim at the park this summer and come back next winter for cross-country skiing. Just a 35-minute drive from downtown Milwaukee, is the Wellspring hostel, a retreat and conference center along the Milwaukee River. You can hike and canoe, or weed and harvest in the hostel’s organic garden. Wrap up the trip with big city excitement in Chicago, where the hostel has volunteers who lead free walking tours and excursions. The building is within walking distance of Lake Michigan, Millennium Park, Sears Tower, the Art Institute, Field Museum and Shedd Aquarium.

If you live north of the border or want to travel to Canada, it offers 70 hostels from British Columbia to Nova Scotia. In Mexico, there are more than a dozen hostels, including one in Acapulco which offers a pool, children’s playground and a location between luxury hotels.

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How to Reduce Internet Risk

When adults worry about the Internet, most think first of children’s safety. What are kids being exposed to? Will they be victims of predators? Or of cyber-bullies among their own classmates? Is there a chance that they are hacking or harassing someone?

Just as you childproof a house before infants start to crawl, it’s ideal to educate yourself about the Internet when your children are very young, so that you understand what the risks are for your entire family. Once your children are introduced to computers and the Internet, you won’t have time to learn about kids and cyberspace: the kids will outpace your savvy almost overnight.

They may be surfing sites you’ve never heard of, creating their own web pages, and using a blog as an illustrated diary of school, social and family life. They’ll probably also be cyber-chatting or playing games with people around the world—and around the clock. As one research study recently pointed out, nine of 10 American kids are online every day.

Kids may also be breaking the law—deliberately or unwittingly. Some see the Internet as a challenge, as an opportunity to program viruses just for the fun of seeing how well they work. Or to test their hacking expertise, kids want to see how many databases they can crack into or how much spam they can send.

Many, of course, are “simply” bootlegging copyrighted music, images and software. Some assume that because they’re kids, whatever they’re doing will be overlooked or at worst, dismissed as childish pranks. Some commit crimes because they don’t know the law: they may believe copyrighted material can be shared when it’s for personal use or that there’s nothing wrong with e-mailing naked pictures of themselves to friends.

That’s why Parenting Press is providing this introduction to the cyberworld in parent-friendly language. We welcome your comments regarding this article’s contents: you can reach us at marketing@ParentingPress.com, (800) 992-6657, Ext. 105.

Teach your kids about the Internet

When you show young children how to use a computer, walk them through every step, just as you do when they are learning to cross the street, write their names or bake cookies.

Start by explaining the importance of keeping the computer area clean and dry, that they should finish snacks and wash their hands before sitting down at the keyboard. This reinforces the concept of rules—for computer use, just as for using scissors, bikes, and the kitchen stove.

When you start children on a computer so young that they always sit on your lap or by your side, they are more likely to be comfortable with your continued supervision of computer activity.

Show even young children a little of what you enjoy about the Internet: the pictures from friends and family as they come in e-mail, the Children’s Museum web site that describes an exhibit you’re going to see, and the library’s calendar of story hours. Introduce sites where kids can play games and earn virtual prizes for appropriate behavior.

Emphasize the publicness of Internet

Make sure your kids understand that although you access the Internet from your home, and it feels private, you’re really communicating with millions of people all over the world.

Use a map to point out locations of the friends, family and Internet retailers who receive your e-mail. You might also show your child a listserv or other forum that lists hometowns.

Explain that there are many, many more people on the Internet than you know and that some occasionally send scary or confusing messages. Emphasize that if your child receives something like that or an inappropriate image, you or another adult should be shown the message immediately. If a child does show you something questionable, praise him or her for being honest and alert.

Emphasize the permanence of the Internet

Once posted, a message can be available for years. This applies to what your family publishes—the profile on a social networking site, a question on a listserv, a comment on someone else’s blog or a photo caption on your own blog.

It also applies to comments you make that are published in print and online—a letter to the editor of your local paper or a complaint at the school board meeting that is recorded in the official minutes. Whatever other kids post about your children, whether truth or fiction, may also be available online for what seems like forever.

Make the Internet a family activity

If you create a family blog or web site, your kids can practice good Internet habits in a supervised setting. As you work with them on this group project, they will also be aware that you’re web-savvy and alert to annoying, unsavory and illegal e-mail and Internet activity.

Show them how you determine who can see your family blog. When you access the blogs created by other friends or extended family members, show the kids how other families also limit who sees personal pictures and information.

Stay informed

As kids master computer software and explore the Internet, ask them to demonstrate what they’ve learned. Have them show you their favorite sites.

Learn to decipher your children’s messages. You’ll probably need a quick lesson in that foreign language known as chatroom lingo. For terms such as “POS” (Parent Over Shoulder), you’ll find a glossary at The CyberTipline, www.missingkids.com/adcouncil/lingo.html.

Control access to sensitive information

What’s involved with ensuring that your family’s Internet use does not expose all of you to unnecessary risk? Let’s repeat the two key words: public and permanent.

If you are concerned about predators, realize that it takes only minutes for someone familiar with Internet searches to uncover names, addresses, phone numbers, directions to your home, organizations you belong to and other information that can be used to reach both adults and children in a family.

What is archived in search engines can reveal information even from web sites that have been removed or revised. For example, a Google search for your name may show the telephone number and e-mail address you posted on a www.craigslist.com advertisement three months ago.

How can you control this?

Limit what’s published about your family

Remember that some directory publishers solicit listings as a means of building mail or e-mail lists that can be sold. For example, kids are often contacted by “who’s who” style directories that attract responses by claiming the detailed profiles of honorees will be sent to college admissions officers.

Limit the online information about you

If your employer, professional association, alma mater, alumni association or club has a web site with a description of you, ensure that it does not provide information that could be combined with other public information to endanger you or your family.

For example, say, “lives with her family in the Chicago area” rather than “lives with her husband Tom and teenage daughters Melanie and Margaret in Riverside, Ill.” Even casual comments such as “enthusiastic lacrosse players” can help someone refine a search for your family.

Don’t make your home easy to find

Consider having your street address removed from online address and telephone databases and from traditional telephone directories, including the White Pages and your children’s school directories.

“Unpublished” is not as secure as “Unlisted,” and even “Unlisted” addresses show up in legal records. With a telephone number someone can use a reverse directory to find an address and with an address, a search engine can provide directions to your house, an aerial photograph of your block and the estimated value of your house. With as little information as a ZIP code, a predator can find nearby schools and make assumptions about where your kids are during the day.

Be wary of blog postings

Blogs that you create for family and friends should be password-protected or require your approval to access. Limit how much information you post: consider using only first names and general references to hometowns (“the Phoenix area” rather than “Chandler”). Avoid identifying kids’ schools and teams by name. If you allow readers to post comments, set up the blog so that you review all comments prior to their being posted. Edit out posts with identifying information (“Grandma is so proud of Verde Valley School’s valedictorian!”). If the site offers a “block spiders and robots” option, select it; that’ll reduce the chance of your posting being referenced on a search engine.

Select e-mail addresses carefully

The best e-mail address does not reveal distinguishing information such as Social Security number, birth date or personal characteristics that will attract predators. This is especially true for children and teenagers. “kcb@isp.net” is safer than “kathyintacoma@isp.net” or “partygirl@isp.net.”

Control use of your e-mail address

Avoid providing your permanent e-mail address when it’s not necessary. If your personal e-mail address appears online (as the contact for an activity or team, for example) consider using a free e-mail account such as Yahoo or Gmail with an address that can be easily changed.

Try to have your address posted in a format that cannot be retrieved mechanically: “bob at yahoo.com” will result in less spam than “bob@yahoo.com.”

Opt-out of address-sharing. If you register for an e-mail newsletter and want to receive only that publication, uncheck the box by the opt-in statement, which will say something similar to “Yes, you may send me e-mail about related products.”

Review what personal information is online

Periodically check both general and specialized search engines for references to every member of your family. There are three reasons:
- To see what is online about all of you, and whether you’re comfortable with this information being public,
- To check if anyone is posting inaccurate, embarrassing or private information about you and family members,
- To determine if anyone is impersonating you (which usually involves harassment).
General search engines such as Google, A9, Yahoo and AltaVista will find such online references to you as newspaper and newsletter stories: for example, about a position you’ve taken or projects you’re handling for a church, school, or organization. Such a search may also turn up the names of your children, if they have been recognized as a member of the bell choir, as “Student of the Month” or as a top-seller in the gift wrap fundraiser.

Transcripts of radio and television stories that mention you are also often online—and you need not be famous for this to happen. For example, an obituary may list family members by full name and hometown. Competitions such as fund-raising marathons may divide results by gender and age group and provide hometowns as well as names. A search may also show lawsuits, building permit applications and real estate purchases (which usually include addresses).

Search engines can also find information about you on newsgroups, mailing lists and public blogs—even photo albums posted by friends or family and genealogy web sites.

Many are legitimate and harmless: we typed the name of Parenting Press’s founder into Google Groups (groups.google.com) and found 39 newsgroup references, all posted by readers of her books.

Others are frightening: we searched with the telephone number of a neighbor and discovered a blog where a teenage friend of the neighbor’s daughter had posted the phone number, the neighbor girl’s unusual first name and the name of a festival that identified their home as Seattle—with an open invitation to join the girls at the festival.

Because each search engine finds different information, and some do not index blogs or newsgroups, it’s important to use more than one search engine for this exercise.

A “people finder” engine may list other names you have used on driver licenses, credit cards, and real estate purchases, the names of adult family members, everyone’s ages or dates of birth and the cities where you have lived. This is an example of what may be available for free. Anyone willing to pay $9.95 can obtain more specific information.

Protect sensitive information

Passwords that parents control are an excellent way to limit access to financial information, including tax preparation software, credit card numbers, PayPal passwords and bank accounts. Change passwords as often as every quarter.

When a web site asks if you’d like to have your user name and password stored with “autofill” (sometimes as a “passcard”) so that the information doesn’t have to be keyed in each time, determine whether the convenience is worth the risk of your child (or one of your children’s friends) accessing the site.

Install filters, firewalls, virus, phishing and spyware protection

Try to block spam, hackers and viruses. Research what monitoring software may reduce your children’s access to risky and offensive web sites. (Remember every system has limitations).

To help avoid fraudulent web sites, install a browser toolbar that alerts you if you’ve selected a known phishing site. (The Anti-Phishing Working Group recommends the most recent versions of Internet Explorer and FireFox 2 and the free EarthLink ScamBlocker, available to all Internet users at www.earthlink.net/earthlinktoolbar.)

Install spyware protection to detect software that puts ads on your computer, collects personal information, or changes the configuration of your computer.

Spyware is not always bad: people sometimes agree to receive targeted ads in return for a free service such as music or shareware. However, some spyware, often installed without your knowledge when you download something else, can make the computer run very slowly, or crash. It can change your browser, your home page, your default search page, and make it very difficult for you to return to your original settings.

Use passwords to control access to the Internet

Law enforcement professionals recommend that parents present computer use as a privilege, with children’s use of the Internet contingent on you having a record of their user names and passwords.

Obviously it doesn’t take much to get around this family rule: kids can create free e-mail accounts and use them on computers at school, on friends’ computers and on public computers. You can, however, make your children aware that you occasionally check their accounts and use a search engine to see what they have posted and that they will lose all computer privileges if they have secret accounts.

Use browser controls

With a command such as “Content Adviser” (reached from “Tools” in programs such as Explorer) you can better control what your children see. Remember that a restrictive setting for “nudity” or “breast” may block images of classic art and information on breast cancer as well as provocative photos. Images that do not have descriptive names (for example, “girls” instead of “nude girls”) will slip through the blocking software because the name, not the image, is what is screened. Most browsers also allow you to block pop-ups, which can be additional information that’s of value—or can be advertisements, often of a sensational nature.

Set the preferences for each identity so that only you can delete the history of web sites your child has visited. Use this history to review what your child accesses; if necessary, add URLs from the history to the “blocked sites” list.

Remember to set controls for each browser on the computer, not only the default browser.

Default to kid-friendly portals

For each child’s identity, choose default directories and search engines such as Yahoo Kids (kids.yahoo.com) and Ask for Kids (formerly Ask Jeeves for Kids) www.askforkids.com, that automatically block inappropriate web sites.

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Coming Attractions

What’s ahead in “News for Parents?” Here’s a sneak preview of the next issue or two. If you’re not already a subscriber, sign up now or bookmark this page so you can return each month for our newest features.

Just in time for back-to-school, you’ll want to read
- “Conquering Clutter IS Possible,”
- “Novelty Architecture for Kids” and, for a kids’ community service project,
- “Back-to-School Book Party.”
Fun (and educational) for the whole family: a review of Smash It! Crash It! Launch It!

More serious topics:
- “How Screen Time Affects Family Life”
- “Why Does TV Make Us Fat?”
- The Risks of Screen Time
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II. FEATURES

Tips for the month

Each Saturday, Parenting Press posts a new parenting tip and the previous week’s tip is moved to the archive. The topics planned for July are:

July 7 — When Your Values Collide with Your Child’s Dearly Held Wish
July 14 — How Much Problem-Solving Should You Do?
July 21 — Using Praise Effectively
July 28 — Some Thoughts on Rules

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Family Fun Ideas — Family Fun Ideas: Fairy Houses, Dolly Villas and Action Figure Townscapes

A doll made with beads and pipe cleaners is comfy in a chair cut from a salt box, by a CD-top table. A plastic lipstick cover makes a vase for real flowers and a Minnie Mouse watch decorates a wall covered with an upholstery sample.

If it’s too hot—or too rainy—to run, jump and swing, the whole family can delve into miniatures. You can build shelters for fairies in your garden or at your campsite, turn the playroom into a construction site for a cardboard dollhouse or transform oatmeal boxes, matchboxes and even soda bottles into an entire town for action figures and tiny vehicles.

Where to start? How about with a trip to the library? Scan the shelves for E. B. White’s Stuart Little and Beverly Cleary’s The Mouse and the Motorcycle, about rodents who live human-style lives, or Mary Norton’s The Borrowers and John Peterson’s The Littles, about miniature people who live near, but hidden from, “big” people. Scour the “hobby” (745) section for books on building model train layouts. You’ll find both books and gardening magazines have features on fairy houses, too.

In her Lookalikes books, Joan Steiner shows another way to use found objects: she assembles found objects into images of familiar and foreign places. Study the books to chuckle over how she makes odds and ends look like completely different furniture, tools and vehicles. The cover of her forthcoming book uses girls’ shoes and a ballet slipper for the arches, price tags and push pins for architectural detailing on the roof, and brussel sprouts for the shrubs.

Fairy houses are traditionally built with all natural materials, so gather twigs, stones, pine cones, nuts and their shells, clam and oyster shells, driftwood, and sturdy leaves and blossoms. Walls can be built log cabin style or with large rocks. Fill larger shells with moss or pine needles for cushioned beds. Set a stone table with tiny shells for bowls. Place pebbles in a circle for a fire pit and fill it with the smallest of twigs. Roofs can be sturdy leaves like rhubarb or a mat of corn husks from your vegetable patch. If you find long grasses that are strong enough for binding, you can fasten twigs to sticks for a ladder so the fairies can perch atop their roof.

For dolls or imaginary creatures such as the Littles and Borrowers, go “green” with dollhouses built from recyclables. Constructing a mini-mansion for Beanie Babies or Barbies? You’ll want a corrugated carton for the shell of your house. Your doll only needs a guest house—or you’re building for tiny Lego or Playmobil people? Then a large shoebox may do. Divide large boxes into rooms with more cardboard. Cut doors and windows and add “glass” if you like with the plastic or vinyl cut from see-through food or note card boxes.

Does this “under construction” photo give you some ideas? A CD sits atop a candy box for a table; the chairs are cut from a sandwich bag box and a salt box. A cream cheese box makes a “stainless steel” fridge and a bandage container looks like a stove. In the bedroom (not shown), the boxes that checks arrived in have become bunk beds and a tea box serves as a wall-hung desk.

For some children, a few blankets and boxes may be all they need for decor. For others (and for you!) the real fun may start with “interior design” and accessorizing. Walls can be painted or papered (old sheet music, leftover gift wrap, hand-stamping or stenciling) and furniture can be built from boxes, cans, plastic tubs, toffee tins, and other packages that usually go into your trash or recycling bins.

For living room furniture, fasten sturdy cardboard to the back of upturned boxes for a couch and chair; put a circle of cardboard on a spice can for a table. For bedrooms, attach a cardboard “head” and “foot” to a bed-sized box or build bunks by slotting together cardboard pieces. If you have cardboard matchboxes, glue a stack together for a dresser and add beads or buttons for the drawer handles.

Decorate the walls with pictures cut from magazines and mirrors made from disposable pie tins. Like the Littles, use a watch for a wall clock and a thimble for a flower pot. Add a cork coaster for a bulletin board, a handkerchief for a table cloth and a potholder for a rug.

Other possibilities: bottle lids for dishpans and flower pots, a thread spool for a stool or a table base, a single-serving cereal box and straw for a closet and rod, and a clear plastic cassette box for a window or “glass” table top.

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Community Service: Back-to-School Book Party

Our goal with this column is to suggest ways that you can model the concept of sharing and giving back to your community. There are other practical advantages to community service, too. Kids can use these projects to learn skills, to meet school or youth group requirements for community service and to start building resumes that they’ll use when applying for first jobs or college.

Remember the old stories about taking apples into teachers on the first day of school? We bet they’d much rather have a stack of new books! Start planning now for a book-themed party that will benefit your school library or the classroom teachers.

Ask your guests—perhaps the kids who will be in your child’s school or preschool classroom—to dress up as their favorite book characters and bring a new book for the school. Have each child write or dictate a note to the teacher or librarian explaining why this book was chosen. Kids can color or sponge print paper that can be used to gift wrap the books, which can be tucked into a special tote or decorated box.

Party activities: use action figures, stuffed animals or dolls to act out scenes from favorite books. Or enlarge and photocopy images from books that can be cut out and mounted on craft sticks for simple puppets so that kids can “mix and match” characters: introduce Madeline to Tintin and Snowy, perhaps, and Arthur the aardvark to Corduroy the bear. Let older kids write, illustrate and bind their own books. When guests are tired, read to them or let them watch a video based on a children’s book.

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“Reader Rewards” Program Recognizes Reviewers

Tell us how you use your favorite Parenting Press publications and we’ll send you much more than a thank-you note. In fact, we’ll send you an entire book—your choice of anything Parenting Press publishes!

If you have a favorite Parenting Press publication you’d like to tell us about, please send us your comments and contact information. If we use your comment, you will receive a gift certificate redeemable on your choice of Parenting Press publication. Please note that all submissions become the property of Parenting Press for use in promotional literature and activities and that we reserve the right to identify you by name, title and city of residence/place of business. However, you will be contacted for written permission prior to the use of your submission. All “Reader Rewards” submissions should be received by Parenting Press prior to Dec. 31, 2007.

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Raise funds with a Parenting Press Book Fair

Would your school or group like a new fund-raiser?

For years Parenting Press has been offering its carefully written books on child guidance, problem-solving and dealing with feelings through preschool Book Fairs. Now our Book Fairs are being expanded to schools, churches, child-care programs, parenting groups—any organization that can use parenting and children’s books.

More information about our Book Fairs is posted online. We have posted a copy of the brochure, an explanation of how much you can earn with a Book Fair, a step-by-step guide to make Book Fairs easy and fun to organize and downloadable promotional materials.

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III. POTPOURRI

Special of the month—Dozens of Community Service Ideas

This special has expired.

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To get the newsletter delivered, you can sign up for an e-mail subscription. July 2007 IN THIS ISSUE WHAT’S NEW? Hosteling for Families How to Reduce Internet Risk Coming Attractions FEATURES Tips for the month Family fun ideas—Fairy Houses, Dolly Villas and Action Figure Townscapes Community service—Back-to-School Book Party “Reader Rewards” Program Recognizes Reviewers Book Fair Materials Available Online POTPOURRI Special of the month—Dozens of Community Service Ideas Feedback: Does the newsletter work properly? How to receive your free subscription to this e-zine Reprinting articles in your newsletter I. WHAT’S NEW? Hosteling for Families Did you backpack Europe years ago with a Eurailpass and a guide to hostels? Now that most hostels welcome kids, you can do the same with your family—and much closer to home. As the Hostelling International USA web site explains, there are now more than 100 hostels in the U.S. They provide both budget accommodations and a novel travel experience. Whether you have another month of vacation or only a few days, here’s some of the sights you can see with a hostel as home base. If you take the train to Seattle, you’ll be only a bus ride away from a ferry that gets you to the Vashon Hostel, where you can snuggle down in an authentic Sioux teepee or an antique covered wagon. Travel a few hundred miles south to Oregon, where a hostel in Seaside is a short walk from the beach. The National Wild and Scenic Tillamook Head trail lets you wander along cliffs and secluded coves from Seaside to artsy Cannon Beach. In California, you’ll find almost two dozen hostels; you could start in the redwoods and travel your way through the state, finishing off in San Diego with a day trip to Mexico. Or hopscotch through the Lake states, starting in Minnesota’s Itasca State Park, where the Mississippi Headwaters Hostel is a restored log building constructed in 1923 as the park headquarters. Bike, hike and swim at the park this summer and come back next winter for cross-country skiing. Just a 35-minute drive from downtown Milwaukee, is the Wellspring hostel, a retreat and conference center along the Milwaukee River. You can hike and canoe, or weed and harvest in the hostel’s organic garden. Wrap up the trip with big city excitement in Chicago, where the hostel has volunteers who lead free walking tours and excursions. The building is within walking distance of Lake Michigan, Millennium Park, Sears Tower, the Art Institute, Field Museum and Shedd Aquarium. If you live north of the border or want to travel to Canada, it offers 70 hostels from British Columbia to Nova Scotia. In Mexico, there are more than a dozen hostels, including one in Acapulco which offers a pool, children’s playground and a location between luxury hotels. Top of page How to Reduce Internet Risk When adults worry about the Internet, most think first of children’s safety. What are kids being exposed to? Will they be victims of predators? Or of cyber-bullies among their own classmates? Is there a chance that they are hacking or harassing someone? Just as you childproof a house before infants start to crawl, it’s ideal to educate yourself about the Internet when your children are very young, so that you understand what the risks are for your entire family. Once your children are introduced to computers and the Internet, you won’t have time to learn about kids and cyberspace: the kids will outpace your savvy almost overnight. They may be surfing sites you’ve never heard of, creating their own web pages, and using a blog as an illustrated diary of school, social and family life. They’ll probably also be cyber-chatting or playing games with people around the world—and around the clock. As one research study recently pointed out, nine of 10 American kids are online every day. Kids may also be breaking the law—deliberately or unwittingly. Some see the Internet as a challenge, as an opportunity to program viruses just for the fun of seeing how well they work. Or to test their hacking expertise, kids want to see how many databases they can crack into or how much spam they can send. Many, of course, are “simply” bootlegging copyrighted music, images and software. Some assume that because they’re kids, whatever they’re doing will be overlooked or at worst, dismissed as childish pranks. Some commit crimes because they don’t know the law: they may believe copyrighted material can be shared when it’s for personal use or that there’s nothing wrong with e-mailing naked pictures of themselves to friends. That’s why Parenting Press is providing this introduction to the cyberworld in parent-friendly language. We welcome your comments regarding this article’s contents: you can reach us at marketing@ParentingPress.com, (800) 992-6657, Ext. 105. Teach your kids about the Internet When you show young children how to use a computer, walk them through every step, just as you do when they are learning to cross the street, write their names or bake cookies. Start by explaining the importance of keeping the computer area clean and dry, that they should finish snacks and wash their hands before sitting down at the keyboard. This reinforces the concept of rules—for computer use, just as for using scissors, bikes, and the kitchen stove. When you start children on a computer so young that they always sit on your lap or by your side, they are more likely to be comfortable with your continued supervision of computer activity. Show even young children a little of what you enjoy about the Internet: the pictures from friends and family as they come in e-mail, the Children’s Museum web site that describes an exhibit you’re going to see, and the library’s calendar of story hours. Introduce sites where kids can play games and earn virtual prizes for appropriate behavior. Emphasize the publicness of Internet Make sure your kids understand that although you access the Internet from your home, and it feels private, you’re really communicating with millions of people all over the world. Use a map to point out locations of the friends, family and Internet retailers who receive your e-mail. You might also show your child a listserv or other forum that lists hometowns. Explain that there are many, many more people on the Internet than you know and that some occasionally send scary or confusing messages. Emphasize that if your child receives something like that or an inappropriate image, you or another adult should be shown the message immediately. If a child does show you something questionable, praise him or her for being honest and alert. Emphasize the permanence of the Internet Once posted, a message can be available for years. This applies to what your family publishes—the profile on a social networking site, a question on a listserv, a comment on someone else’s blog or a photo caption on your own blog. It also applies to comments you make that are published in print and online—a letter to the editor of your local paper or a complaint at the school board meeting that is recorded in the official minutes. Whatever other kids post about your children, whether truth or fiction, may also be available online for what seems like forever. Make the Internet a family activity If you create a family blog or web site, your kids can practice good Internet habits in a supervised setting. As you work with them on this group project, they will also be aware that you’re web-savvy and alert to annoying, unsavory and illegal e-mail and Internet activity. Show them how you determine who can see your family blog. When you access the blogs created by other friends or extended family members, show the kids how other families also limit who sees personal pictures and information. Stay informed As kids master computer software and explore the Internet, ask them to demonstrate what they’ve learned. Have them show you their favorite sites. Learn to decipher your children’s messages. You’ll probably need a quick lesson in that foreign language known as chatroom lingo. For terms such as “POS” (Parent Over Shoulder), you’ll find a glossary at The CyberTipline, www.missingkids.com/adcouncil/lingo.html. Control access to sensitive information What’s involved with ensuring that your family’s Internet use does not expose all of you to unnecessary risk? Let’s repeat the two key words: public and permanent. If you are concerned about predators, realize that it takes only minutes for someone familiar with Internet searches to uncover names, addresses, phone numbers, directions to your home, organizations you belong to and other information that can be used to reach both adults and children in a family. What is archived in search engines can reveal information even from web sites that have been removed or revised. For example, a Google search for your name may show the telephone number and e-mail address you posted on a www.craigslist.com advertisement three months ago. How can you control this? Limit what’s published about your family Remember that some directory publishers solicit listings as a means of building mail or e-mail lists that can be sold. For example, kids are often contacted by “who’s who” style directories that attract responses by claiming the detailed profiles of honorees will be sent to college admissions officers. Limit the online information about you If your employer, professional association, alma mater, alumni association or club has a web site with a description of you, ensure that it does not provide information that could be combined with other public information to endanger you or your family. For example, say, “lives with her family in the Chicago area” rather than “lives with her husband Tom and teenage daughters Melanie and Margaret in Riverside, Ill.” Even casual comments such as “enthusiastic lacrosse players” can help someone refine a search for your family. Don’t make your home easy to find Consider having your street address removed from online address and telephone databases and from traditional telephone directories, including the White Pages and your children’s school directories. “Unpublished” is not as secure as “Unlisted,” and even “Unlisted” addresses show up in legal records. With a telephone number someone can use a reverse directory to find an address and with an address, a search engine can provide directions to your house, an aerial photograph of your block and the estimated value of your house. With as little information as a ZIP code, a predator can find nearby schools and make assumptions about where your kids are during the day. Be wary of blog postings Blogs that you create for family and friends should be password-protected or require your approval to access. Limit how much information you post: consider using only first names and general references to hometowns (“the Phoenix area” rather than “Chandler”). Avoid identifying kids’ schools and teams by name. If you allow readers to post comments, set up the blog so that you review all comments prior to their being posted. Edit out posts with identifying information (“Grandma is so proud of Verde Valley School’s valedictorian!”). If the site offers a “block spiders and robots” option, select it; that’ll reduce the chance of your posting being referenced on a search engine. Select e-mail addresses carefully The best e-mail address does not reveal distinguishing information such as Social Security number, birth date or personal characteristics that will attract predators. This is especially true for children and teenagers. “kcb@isp.net” is safer than “kathyintacoma@isp.net” or “partygirl@isp.net.” Control use of your e-mail address Avoid providing your permanent e-mail address when it’s not necessary. If your personal e-mail address appears online (as the contact for an activity or team, for example) consider using a free e-mail account such as Yahoo or Gmail with an address that can be easily changed. Try to have your address posted in a format that cannot be retrieved mechanically: “bob at yahoo.com” will result in less spam than “bob@yahoo.com.” Opt-out of address-sharing. If you register for an e-mail newsletter and want to receive only that publication, uncheck the box by the opt-in statement, which will say something similar to “Yes, you may send me e-mail about related products.” Review what personal information is online Periodically check both general and specialized search engines for references to every member of your family. There are three reasons: To see what is online about all of you, and whether you’re comfortable with this information being public, To check if anyone is posting inaccurate, embarrassing or private information about you and family members, To determine if anyone is impersonating you (which usually involves harassment). General search engines such as Google, A9, Yahoo and AltaVista will find such online references to you as newspaper and newsletter stories: for example, about a position you’ve taken or projects you’re handling for a church, school, or organization. Such a search may also turn up the names of your children, if they have been recognized as a member of the bell choir, as “Student of the Month” or as a top-seller in the gift wrap fundraiser. Transcripts of radio and television stories that mention you are also often online—and you need not be famous for this to happen. For example, an obituary may list family members by full name and hometown. Competitions such as fund-raising marathons may divide results by gender and age group and provide hometowns as well as names. A search may also show lawsuits, building permit applications and real estate purchases (which usually include addresses). Search engines can also find information about you on newsgroups, mailing lists and public blogs—even photo albums posted by friends or family and genealogy web sites. Many are legitimate and harmless: we typed the name of Parenting Press’s founder into Google Groups (groups.google.com) and found 39 newsgroup references, all posted by readers of her books. Others are frightening: we searched with the telephone number of a neighbor and discovered a blog where a teenage friend of the neighbor’s daughter had posted the phone number, the neighbor girl’s unusual first name and the name of a festival that identified their home as Seattle—with an open invitation to join the girls at the festival. Because each search engine finds different information, and some do not index blogs or newsgroups, it’s important to use more than one search engine for this exercise. A “people finder” engine may list other names you have used on driver licenses, credit cards, and real estate purchases, the names of adult family members, everyone’s ages or dates of birth and the cities where you have lived. This is an example of what may be available for free. Anyone willing to pay $9.95 can obtain more specific information. Protect sensitive information Passwords that parents control are an excellent way to limit access to financial information, including tax preparation software, credit card numbers, PayPal passwords and bank accounts. Change passwords as often as every quarter. When a web site asks if you’d like to have your user name and password stored with “autofill” (sometimes as a “passcard”) so that the information doesn’t have to be keyed in each time, determine whether the convenience is worth the risk of your child (or one of your children’s friends) accessing the site. Install filters, firewalls, virus, phishing and spyware protection Try to block spam, hackers and viruses. Research what monitoring software may reduce your children’s access to risky and offensive web sites. (Remember every system has limitations). To help avoid fraudulent web sites, install a browser toolbar that alerts you if you’ve selected a known phishing site. (The Anti-Phishing Working Group recommends the most recent versions of Internet Explorer and FireFox 2 and the free EarthLink ScamBlocker, available to all Internet users at www.earthlink.net/earthlinktoolbar.) Install spyware protection to detect software that puts ads on your computer, collects personal information, or changes the configuration of your computer. Spyware is not always bad: people sometimes agree to receive targeted ads in return for a free service such as music or shareware. However, some spyware, often installed without your knowledge when you download something else, can make the computer run very slowly, or crash. It can change your browser, your home page, your default search page, and make it very difficult for you to return to your original settings. Use passwords to control access to the Internet Law enforcement professionals recommend that parents present computer use as a privilege, with children’s use of the Internet contingent on you having a record of their user names and passwords. Obviously it doesn’t take much to get around this family rule: kids can create free e-mail accounts and use them on computers at school, on friends’ computers and on public computers. You can, however, make your children aware that you occasionally check their accounts and use a search engine to see what they have posted and that they will lose all computer privileges if they have secret accounts. Use browser controls With a command such as “Content Adviser” (reached from “Tools” in programs such as Explorer) you can better control what your children see. Remember that a restrictive setting for “nudity” or “breast” may block images of classic art and information on breast cancer as well as provocative photos. Images that do not have descriptive names (for example, “girls” instead of “nude girls”) will slip through the blocking software because the name, not the image, is what is screened. Most browsers also allow you to block pop-ups, which can be additional information that’s of value—or can be advertisements, often of a sensational nature. Set the preferences for each identity so that only you can delete the history of web sites your child has visited. Use this history to review what your child accesses; if necessary, add URLs from the history to the “blocked sites” list. Remember to set controls for each browser on the computer, not only the default browser. Default to kid-friendly portals For each child’s identity, choose default directories and search engines such as Yahoo Kids (kids.yahoo.com) and Ask for Kids (formerly Ask Jeeves for Kids) www.askforkids.com, that automatically block inappropriate web sites. Top of page Coming Attractions What’s ahead in “News for Parents?” Here’s a sneak preview of the next issue or two. If you’re not already a subscriber, sign up now or bookmark this page so you can return each month for our newest features. Just in time for back-to-school, you’ll want to read “Conquering Clutter IS Possible,” “Novelty Architecture for Kids” and, for a kids’ community service project, “Back-to-School Book Party.” Fun (and educational) for the whole family: a review of Smash It! Crash It! Launch It! More serious topics: “How Screen Time Affects Family Life” “Why Does TV Make Us Fat?” The Risks of Screen Time Top of page II. FEATURES Tips for the month Each Saturday, Parenting Press posts a new parenting tip and the previous week’s tip is moved to the archive. The topics planned for July are: July 7 — When Your Values Collide with Your Child’s Dearly Held Wish July 14 — How Much Problem-Solving Should You Do? July 21 — Using Praise Effectively July 28 — Some Thoughts on Rules Top of page Family Fun Ideas — Family Fun Ideas: Fairy Houses, Dolly Villas and Action Figure Townscapes A doll made with beads and pipe cleaners is comfy in a chair cut from a salt box, by a CD-top table. A plastic lipstick cover makes a vase for real flowers and a Minnie Mouse watch decorates a wall covered with an upholstery sample. If it’s too hot—or too rainy—to run, jump and swing, the whole family can delve into miniatures. You can build shelters for fairies in your garden or at your campsite, turn the playroom into a construction site for a cardboard dollhouse or transform oatmeal boxes, matchboxes and even soda bottles into an entire town for action figures and tiny vehicles. Where to start? How about with a trip to the library? Scan the shelves for E. B. White’s Stuart Little and Beverly Cleary’s The Mouse and the Motorcycle, about rodents who live human-style lives, or Mary Norton’s The Borrowers and John Peterson’s The Littles, about miniature people who live near, but hidden from, “big” people. Scour the “hobby” (745) section for books on building model train layouts. You’ll find both books and gardening magazines have features on fairy houses, too. In her Lookalikes books, Joan Steiner shows another way to use found objects: she assembles found objects into images of familiar and foreign places. Study the books to chuckle over how she makes odds and ends look like completely different furniture, tools and vehicles. The cover of her forthcoming book uses girls’ shoes and a ballet slipper for the arches, price tags and push pins for architectural detailing on the roof, and brussel sprouts for the shrubs. Fairy houses are traditionally built with all natural materials, so gather twigs, stones, pine cones, nuts and their shells, clam and oyster shells, driftwood, and sturdy leaves and blossoms. Walls can be built log cabin style or with large rocks. Fill larger shells with moss or pine needles for cushioned beds. Set a stone table with tiny shells for bowls. Place pebbles in a circle for a fire pit and fill it with the smallest of twigs. Roofs can be sturdy leaves like rhubarb or a mat of corn husks from your vegetable patch. If you find long grasses that are strong enough for binding, you can fasten twigs to sticks for a ladder so the fairies can perch atop their roof. For dolls or imaginary creatures such as the Littles and Borrowers, go “green” with dollhouses built from recyclables. Constructing a mini-mansion for Beanie Babies or Barbies? You’ll want a corrugated carton for the shell of your house. Your doll only needs a guest house—or you’re building for tiny Lego or Playmobil people? Then a large shoebox may do. Divide large boxes into rooms with more cardboard. Cut doors and windows and add “glass” if you like with the plastic or vinyl cut from see-through food or note card boxes. Does this “under construction” photo give you some ideas? A CD sits atop a candy box for a table; the chairs are cut from a sandwich bag box and a salt box. A cream cheese box makes a “stainless steel” fridge and a bandage container looks like a stove. In the bedroom (not shown), the boxes that checks arrived in have become bunk beds and a tea box serves as a wall-hung desk. For some children, a few blankets and boxes may be all they need for decor. For others (and for you!) the real fun may start with “interior design” and accessorizing. Walls can be painted or papered (old sheet music, leftover gift wrap, hand-stamping or stenciling) and furniture can be built from boxes, cans, plastic tubs, toffee tins, and other packages that usually go into your trash or recycling bins. For living room furniture, fasten sturdy cardboard to the back of upturned boxes for a couch and chair; put a circle of cardboard on a spice can for a table. For bedrooms, attach a cardboard “head” and “foot” to a bed-sized box or build bunks by slotting together cardboard pieces. If you have cardboard matchboxes, glue a stack together for a dresser and add beads or buttons for the drawer handles. Decorate the walls with pictures cut from magazines and mirrors made from disposable pie tins. Like the Littles, use a watch for a wall clock and a thimble for a flower pot. Add a cork coaster for a bulletin board, a handkerchief for a table cloth and a potholder for a rug. Other possibilities: bottle lids for dishpans and flower pots, a thread spool for a stool or a table base, a single-serving cereal box and straw for a closet and rod, and a clear plastic cassette box for a window or “glass” table top. Top of page Community Service: Back-to-School Book Party Our goal with this column is to suggest ways that you can model the concept of sharing and giving back to your community. There are other practical advantages to community service, too. Kids can use these projects to learn skills, to meet school or youth group requirements for community service and to start building resumes that they’ll use when applying for first jobs or college. Remember the old stories about taking apples into teachers on the first day of school? We bet they’d much rather have a stack of new books! Start planning now for a book-themed party that will benefit your school library or the classroom teachers. Ask your guests—perhaps the kids who will be in your child’s school or preschool classroom—to dress up as their favorite book characters and bring a new book for the school. Have each child write or dictate a note to the teacher or librarian explaining why this book was chosen. Kids can color or sponge print paper that can be used to gift wrap the books, which can be tucked into a special tote or decorated box. Party activities: use action figures, stuffed animals or dolls to act out scenes from favorite books. Or enlarge and photocopy images from books that can be cut out and mounted on craft sticks for simple puppets so that kids can “mix and match” characters: introduce Madeline to Tintin and Snowy, perhaps, and Arthur the aardvark to Corduroy the bear. Let older kids write, illustrate and bind their own books. When guests are tired, read to them or let them watch a video based on a children’s book. Top of page “Reader Rewards” Program Recognizes Reviewers Tell us how you use your favorite Parenting Press publications and we’ll send you much more than a thank-you note. In fact, we’ll send you an entire book—your choice of anything Parenting Press publishes! If you have a favorite Parenting Press publication you’d like to tell us about, please send us your comments and contact information. If we use your comment, you will receive a gift certificate redeemable on your choice of Parenting Press publication. Please note that all submissions become the property of Parenting Press for use in promotional literature and activities and that we reserve the right to identify you by name, title and city of residence/place of business. However, you will be contacted for written permission prior to the use of your submission. All “Reader Rewards” submissions should be received by Parenting Press prior to Dec. 31, 2007. Top of page Raise funds with a Parenting Press Book Fair Would your school or group like a new fund-raiser? For years Parenting Press has been offering its carefully written books on child guidance, problem-solving and dealing with feelings through preschool Book Fairs. Now our Book Fairs are being expanded to schools, churches, child-care programs, parenting groups—any organization that can use parenting and children’s books. More information about our Book Fairs is posted online. We have posted a copy of the brochure, an explanation of how much you can earn with a Book Fair, a step-by-step guide to make Book Fairs easy and fun to organize and downloadable promotional materials. Top of page III. POTPOURRI Special of the month—Dozens of Community Service Ideas This special has expired. Top of page Does the newsletter work properly? We would like this newsletter to be interactive—a place where we can ask for your opinion on what we are doing and what information people who live or work with children would like to see from Parenting Press. We would also like you to tell us what information and books you need and want. We welcome your comments on the format and content on the feedback form. Thank you! Top of page How to receive (or send) a no-cost subscription to this e-zine. We hope you have enjoyed PARENTING PRESS NEWS FOR PARENTS. Subscribing: If you were referred to this newsletter by a friend or colleague, you can have it delivered by signing up for an e-mail subscription (there’s no cost). If you received the e-mail edition from Parenting Press, you are already subscribed. If you enjoyed the newsletter, don’t hesitate to tell your friends. If they wish to continue receiving the newsletter, they will need to subscribe. If you are a parent educator, feel free to tell your colleagues, students, or friends who might be interested. Thank you! Top of page Reprinting e-zine articles in your newsletter. If you publish a school, preschool, day care or parenting newsletter, you are welcome to reprint articles from this e-zine. Simply include our copyright notice with a phrase such as Reprinted with permission from Parenting Press News for Parents, copyright © 2007. For a free subscription, see www.ParentingPress.com/signup.html. And please mail a copy of your newsletter to Publicity Department, P.O. Box 75267, Seattle WA 98175-0267. Top of page E-mail this page to a friend Visit our web site Browse our CATALOG on-line or order a copy.
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